Podcast #34 Benny Joins The Mafia

The Mr Vocab Podcast is available on Amazon Android, Google Play and iTunes App Store.

Benny Joins The Mafia

Benny Cornetto was sick and tired of people walking all over him. He had tried everything. He had attended seminars on how to build confidence. He had taken private lessons to help him become more assertive. Nothing worked. Nobody took Benny seriously.

One day, Benny decided to join the Mafia. His friend Doug thought this was a bad idea.

“Come on Benny,” said Doug. “You wouldn’t say boo to a goose. How can you expect to join the world of organised crime?”

“I’ve tried everything Doug,” replied Benny. “I’m in the last chance saloon. When people realise I’m connected to the Mob, they won’t mess with me anymore.”

Benny arrived for his meeting with the head of the local Mafia, Antonio Pistone.

“Well, look who it is,” said Antonio as Benny walked into the bar. “Little Benny from South Street. I understand you want to join us?”

“Yes Godfather Antonio, yes! I want to be a part of your organisation more than anything in the world! I’m very diligent, and extremely discreet.”

“That’s music to my ears Benny,” said Antonio. “Tell me something, do you mind getting your hands dirty?”

“Of course not Godfather Antonio. Do you want me to kill someone?”

“Kill someone? Are you crazy? I need someone to clean the toilets here.”

“I can do that!” replied Benny excitedly. 

And just like that, Benny became the head of toilet cleaning of the local Mafia. Nobody messed with him again.

Further examples:

• I’m sick and tired of my boss, I wish he’d just relax for one second!

• You’ve got to stop letting people walk all over you. You need to learn how to be more assertive.

• You think Henry smashed your car windows? Are you serious? He wouldn’t say boo to a goose, he would never do something like that!

• John’s in the last chance saloon. His wife will leave him if he doesn’t stop drinking.

• Don’t mess with me, I swear you will regret it.

• You need to be discreet if you work as a personal assistant. You hear all kinds of private and sensitive information in that job..

• I’m so glad we have Rachel at this company. She’s so diligent and reliable.

• Are you saying we don’t have to go to the office tomorrow? That’s music to my ears, I’m going to have an extra hour in bed!

• When you reach the top of the political world, you have to accept that sooner or later, you might need to get your hands dirty…

Podcast #32 Frankie Goes To Brighton

The Mr Vocab Podcast is available on Amazon Android, Google Play and iTunes App Store.

Frankie Goes To Brighton

Frankie and his best friend Sally lived and worked in London. One weekend, they decided to visit Brighton. On the train, Sally tried to educate Frankie about the difference between London and Brighton.

“Listen Frankie,” she said. “I don’t want you to start being all judgemental when we get there. You have to remember that the pace of life is very different in Brighton.”

“Is that a polite way of telling me they’re a bunch of dossers?” replied Frankie

“You are such a snob,” said Sally. “You’ve never left London, it’s time for you to broaden your horizons and see how other places work.”

Frankie laughed. “Work? That’s a funny word to associate with Brighton, I thought everyone just bummed around and got drunk.”

Sally ignored Frankie for the rest of the journey. When they arrived, Frankie took a deep breath of the fresh air coming up from the sea.

“Well I must admit, it’s nice to be out of the hustle and bustle for an afternoon. Come on, let’s go to the beach.”

“Wait,” said Sally. “We can’t go that way, there’s a man with blue hair vomiting in the road. And we can’t take that street, it’s blocked by that group yoga class.”

Frankie and Sally decided to take a taxi. Five minutes later, the taxi was stuck in a huge traffic jam. Hundreds of angry protestors were shouting and waving signs in the middle of the road.

“Oh no, another vegan protest,” said the taxi driver. “Where do you want me to go, I can’t get to the beach.”

“I’ll give you a grand to take us back to the big smoke,” said Frankie. “This has been wonderful Sally, but this place is bonkers.”

Further examples:

• I wish I wasn’t so judgemental, it’s my worst character flaw!

• I want to move to Sicily, they enjoy a much slower pace of life and the scenery is stunning.

• James is such a dosser, why doesn’t he just get a job?

• Brenda is a real snob, she only eats at the most expensive restaurants and she refuses to talk to anyone who didn’t go to a private school.

• I think travelling is the best way to broaden your horizons. You can learn so much from meeting people and learning a new culture. Sadly, some people just want to bum around when they travel, they only want to get drunk and party.

• I was sick of the hustle and bustle of New York so I moved to Texas to enjoy a slower pace of life.

• Can you believe this traffic jam? We’ll be here all evening at this rate!

• Tom is completely bonkers. He paid a grand for a pair of jeans yesterday because someone told him they were really fashionable!

• We enjoyed our holiday, but returning to The Big Smoke wasn’t so bad. We’ve always loved London.

Podcast #31 - Dani's Dating Disaster

The Mr Vocab Podcast is available on Amazon Android, Google Play and iTunes App Store.

Dani’s Dating Disaster

Dani loved many things in life. She loved the smell of fresh morning dew on the grass. She loved singing at the top of her lungs in Church. But there was something Dani loved more than anything else, and that was dating.

For many women, finding a man who was marriage material was like looking for a needle in a haystack. But Dani wasn’t looking for marriage material, she just wanted to enjoy the thrill of the chase.

Of course, a lot of men became so besotted with Dani they popped the question on the first date. Dani hated breaking their hearts, so she always turned them down with a warm smile to try and soften the blow.

One day however, Dani met her match. Leonard was a suave and sophisticated art historian with a chiselled jaw and smouldering brown eyes. He was a sight for sore eyes. After just two minutes of their date, she decided to try her luck.

“Leonard, will you marry me?” said Dani

“Dani you seem very nice, but I’m afraid you’re coming on too strong. Goodbye.”

Leonard stood up, turned around and walked out. At first, Dani was devastated, but after a few minutes she logged into her Tinder app and started swiping.

Further examples:

• I was shouting at the top of my lungs, how could you not hear me?

• I really like Nigel, but I’m not sure he’s marriage material. He drinks too much and he always sears in public..

• Most men aren’t interested in a serious relationship, they just love the thrill of the chase.

• Kevin is besotted with his new leather jacket, he wears it everywhere!

• Oh no…. I think Nigel is going to pop the question. I love him but he’s not marriage material. I’m going to have no choice but to turn him down, this is awful!

• I got fired yesterday, but I also won the lottery so that certainly softened the blow!

• Jenna has finally met her match on the golf course. The new girl is a fantastic player!

• Brad Pitt is so suave with his cool clothes and chiselled jaw…… and those smouldering brown eyes….wow!

• Oh look at her, isn’t she a sight for sore eyes! I might try my luck, she’s not sitting with anybody and there’s no wedding ring on her finger.

• I’m absolutely devastated. I really liked her but I think I came on too strong and scared her away, I always do that!

Podcast #30 - Vampire Victor Goes To The Dentist

The Mr Vocab Podcast is available on Amazon Android, Google Play and iTunes App Store.

Vampire Victor Goes To The Dentist

Victor was what some people would call ‘Billy no-mates.’ He always felt alienated at school, especially when the other students refused to sit with him at lunch. The problem of course, was that Victor was a Vampire and therefore could not resist biting his fellow classmates.

Victor’s Mum had tried to teach him some basic etiquette.

“Victor, I know you’re chomping at the bit to suck the blood from these humans, but you just can’t do it in modern society. It’s frowned upon.”

Victor knew he had to stop biting people, but he couldn’t help it. A human neck had such a wonderful smell, every time he saw one he wanted to sink his fangs in.

Victor’s parents were at their wits’ end, and decided to take action. They took Victor to the dentist and asked to have his teeth removed. Unfortunately, Victor bit the dentist before the operation. His mother was livid.

“It’s like talking to a brick wall,” said Victor’s mother. “You just don’t listen.”

That night, Victor slept like a log, dreaming of all the fresh necks he would bite at school the next day.

Further examples:

• Look at Hugo, he’s such a Billy no-mates!

• I feel really alienated at my new job, nobody talks to me or invites me to lunch.

• I’m chomping at the bit to play football, I haven’t played in ages!

• You are allowed to smoke in the park, but it’s frowned upon so it’s better to wait until you get home.

• The spider sank it’s fangs into the unsuspecting man, delivering a lethal dose of venom.

• Karen’s parents are livid with her because she’s going to be expelled from school for the second time in one year! Honestly, they are at their wits’ end.

• I try telling Jemima to quit smoking but it’s like talking to a brick wall.

• I slept like a log last night, I feel fantastic!

Podcast #27 - Frank's Fabulous Ferrari

The Mr Vocab Podcast is available on Amazon Android, Google Play and iTunes App Store.

Frank’s Fabulous Ferrari

Even as a young man, everyone knew Frank was going places. At school he always went the extra mile, studying on weekends and turning down party invitations. While the other boys smoked cigarettes behind the bike shed, Frank sunk his teeth into books.

“You need to loosen up Frank,” said his friends. “Forget about the books and let your hair down once in a while.”

But Frank’s friends could never understand his one and only life goal. To own a Ferrari before his 21st birthday.

On his 18th birthday, Frank interviewed at the town’s biggest bank. The bank manager was impressed.

“Well Frank, your school grades speak for themselves. You obviously mean business.”

Frank was offered a job the next day. He was over the moon. He worked harder than ever before, dreaming of his Ferrari.

 Two years later, Frank asked if he could take a few days off work. When the bank manager asked him why, Frank explained.

“Well sir, my whole life I’ve dreamt of owning my own fabulous Ferrari. Now, after two years of blood, sweat and tears, I can finally afford one. So I’d like to take a few days and visit the local car dealerships.”

“Oh Frank,” said the bank manager. “I’m afraid that’s just not possible. None of our employees are allowed to drive a Ferrari. It makes us look like flashy, money obsessed stereotypical bankers. No, no. Our customers need to trust us. You’ll have to buy an electric car, like everyone else.”

Further examples:

• I always knew Frances was going places. She always goes the extra mile, whatever the job is.

• I can’t wait to sink my teeth into this new Netflix series!

• You really need to loosen up a little, don’t be so serious all the time.

• I can’t wait to let my hair down this weekend, I’ve been working so hard.

• I don’t need to convince you to hire me, I think my reputation speaks for itself, don’t you?

• Wow, look at John. He certainly means business today, I’ve never seen him so smart and focused.

• Well, it’s been a lot of blood, sweat and tears but I’m over the moon to announce that today I finally launched my new business!

• Is that a new jacket? And what about those shoes?! You’re looking very flashy.